and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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