One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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