He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
