What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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