You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
