Are we in a gay sports bar?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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