Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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