I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
