I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
