I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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