so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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