some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
