I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
