she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
