Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
