She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
