don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
