I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize