I think scott just propositioned me for sex
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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