Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
