i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
