I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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