Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
