bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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