Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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