Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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