do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize