so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
