I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
