maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
