You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
