We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
