Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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