i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
