I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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