can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
