Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
