Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
