why didn't you poke me back
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize