he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
