I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
