i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
