Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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