Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
