There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
