I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
