Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
