i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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