I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
