get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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