Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize