just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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