tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
