'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
