There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
