Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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