My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
