I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
