if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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