So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
