Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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