I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
