I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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