every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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