this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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