That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
