How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Randomize
