So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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