Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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