i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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