Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
