you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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