Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
