my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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